“And just who the hell do you think you are?” I’d hear that stupid question any time I’d even consider attempting something new. I wished I could answer her with confidence and strength, or at the very least, ignore her entirely. But I never did. I would always give up and give in to her bitter, cruel judgement. I hated her. I hated the way she talked to me. I hated feeling that she was right. But I especially hated that she was me.
I prayed for help in quieting that voice, at least a little so it wouldn’t be the only one I could hear. I got far more than just a lower volume.
I met Kate Moriah through good old fashioned divine-timing-via-social-media. I can’t even remember how I came across her Booming Eye Healing Arts Instagram account, but I started following her immediately. Soon after, she held a giveaway to celebrate reaching a milestone. I entered and was one of the lucky four who were picked to receive a free healing session.
That session was incredible! I instantly connected with her and felt an immense sense of gratitude, as though I should thank someone for creating this new connection. Kate is an intuitive healer and uses shamanism techniques to bring you soul-shifting, energetic healing. I’ve had two more healing sessions with Kate…she is a positively delightful person to talk to and she has done an amazing job at clearing my chakras! But in the most recent session I had with her, she performed a different healing for me…cord cutting.
I’d made the appointment weeks ago, thinking I’d want a little spiritual tune-up toward the end of the month. When the day of my appointment rolled around, Kate happened to post a video on her blog about cord cutting. I had learned quite a bit about it through my membership in the FUNdamentals and ELEMENTals group, but I hadn’t been successful with performing the ritual on myself. Something she said in the video piqued my curiosity …the location of where these energetic cords can attach to you. I had assumed any cords I had would either be attached to my heart or my head (or wrapped tightly around my throat!), but that was not the case.
There would be no guess work or deep thinking needed on my part as to whom my cord could be connected to. I already knew it stemmed from my mother…even now, five years after her passing, I could still feel her draining me and darkening my hope. Kate tuned into my energy and asked me, “Oh wow…do you feel a pain in your right shoulder? Between the blade and the spine?”
😲 YES, I DO!! 😲
That pain has been there for as long as I can remember. Doctors could find nothing suspicious in that area. Massages did nothing to alleviate it. Yoga stretches didn’t help. The chiropractor could find no reason to adjust that spot. Pain relievers were useless (and I don’t like taking them anyway). Acupuncture was out because NEEDLES! (No thank you!) That spot in my back has been the source of constant, aching, annoying pain and I’d learned to live with.
Have you guessed where the energetic cord tying me to my mother was attached? 😉
When the cord cutting procedure was finished, I physically felt lighter, tired and still sore in that spot in my back. But it was a different kind of soreness. It reminded me of when I was a kid and had to get a filling…that vague feeling of something foreign stuffed into the numb void left behind after the cavity removal. But this was no toxic mercury sludge being packed into the excision. It was a sparkling, golden injection of spiritual antibiotics covered by a bright, white bandage of healthy, loving perspectives.
Kate explained to me that the cord cutting was very much like a surgical procedure and would need time to heal…approximately a month. I joked about it sounding like rehab, and then it hit me…it was rehab…not just the post-healing time, but ALL of it. All of the spiritual education I’ve been seeking and undertaking has been a rehab for my soul.
I thought I needed to learn more to “find” myself, but what I really needed to do was un-learn to get to the truth of who Teresa is.
I needed to unlearn all the lessons of how I was never going to be “good enough.” In relationships with my parents, siblings, friends, fellow students, coworkers… even with my own children, I’d learned I was inadequate and undeserving. I let multiple opportunities pass me by because I’d learned I would look foolish for taking part in them. I didn’t look at mirrors because I learned I was ugly and vain for even wanting to see. I stayed quiet and hidden because I learned no one wanted to hear me. Over the course of 40 years, I had learned it was NOT okay to love or even think positively about myself. Eventually I stopped trying to really live because I learned to settle for just merely existing…not much different from learning to live with constant physical pain.
There are a lot of lessons I need to unlearn during my rehab, and I’ve already made great progress with that…without even realizing it! The first step was figuring out who taught me all that nonsense–it was that nasty bitch you read about at the beginning…ME. I taught myself those things. But the lesson plan I used was designed by my mother, and that lesson plan now rests in an existential trash can where it belongs.
Thanks to the help of Kate (and Archangel Michael), I’m free. I am no longer tied to a desk in that distorted schoolroom. I’m sitting outside. Basking in the sunshine, breathing in fresh air, feeling the tickle of green grass on my bare legs, watching butterflies dance on flower tops while I write in my brand new, empty lesson plan….
LESSON 1 : I AM ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH, AND I LOVE MYSELF.
LESSON 2 : See Lesson 1.
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